Birthday time.... and time for reflection

I cannot believe my baby girl is four years old today! We celebrated her birthday last weekend with our family. It was wonderful to enjoy celebrating our sweet angel with our family. Kaylee has been so excited to turn 4! It has been a long week for her from her party to today!!! We had her BFF (P) and her family over last night. The girls had a great time tearing up the house. :) Today we went to the county park to Sugar Maple Days. We really enjoyed a beautiful day outside. Then we went to my parents house and visited with them and a few aunts and uncles. Finally, we visited John's parents. What a wonderful day filled with family!

I have spent so much time the past two weeks remembering back four years ago and the last few days at our home preparing for Kaylee's arrival. I also have been remembering....

* the drive to the hospital and how nervous we were about the journey we were about to embark on

* all of the wonderful conversations, some filled with laughter and some with tears, as we shared three amazing days at the hospital with A&D

* watching my sweet girl enter the world and take her first breath (to this day I still do not have the words to describe the feeling I had when I heard her first cry)

* watching the love between A&D as they held Kaylee for the first time and then the almost fainting feeling I had when D handed her to me saying, "Mommy, meet your daughter."

* the pride and joy of our parents as John's parents held their first granddaughter and my parents held their first grandchild

* all the excitement of our friends and family as they all flooded the hospital to meet our little bundle of joy

* the numerous hours I spent rocking Kaylee and staring into her beautiful face simply amazed at the power of our Lord and the path in which he led my life

* the deep love I felt for not only this little person, but A&D as well

and finally...

* the unexplainable heart ripping emotions while watching A&D say good-bye to their child

* the surreal feeling John & I had as we drove away from the hospital. We arrived as a couple and left as a family!

Kaylee's birthday also always reminds me of the one thing I was not at all prepared for.... the feeling of guilt I would carry for a long time. I felt guilty for being happy when A&D were sad and I had a very difficult time learning to accept and deal with those feelings.

Even with it's challenges, adoption is by far the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. If given the chance, there is nothing I would ever change. I am thankful for my sweet girl and celebrate how she came into our family. I pray she will always feel proud of who she is and proud of her history. I love how she has changed me and changed our lives. I am thankful for another birthday and another chance to reflect on the handprints left on my heart.